Facing Life's Toughest Thoughts

Today marked the second time in four months that I've consoled a grieving wife who's just lost her husband. These episodes are the first I've encountered in my 30-plus years, and it's strange to think how close together they were. It makes me reflect on my own life and wonder what it would be like for me.

Statistics suggest that husbands often pass away before their wives, and when I look around at the women I know, it seems true. Both my grandmothers experienced this, and it got me thinking about becoming independent of my husband for the statistically-likely "one day". Losing him is one of my biggest fears. He's my best friend, and we've known each other for over 20 years. He's the only person who truly knows every side of me, physically and emotionally.

When people say 'one in a million,' its not enough these days with 8 billion people on the planet, it implies they have 8,000 potential replacements. But my husband feels like one in 8 billion to me. Thoughts of losing him scares me, especially when he'd go on long drives or travel abroad. I'd mentally prepare myself, wondering if he didn't come back, what would I do? Sell everything? Stay here? Move back home?

There was a close call once that required a search-and-rescue party. The search and rescue leader told me two scenarios were likely, and both could be fatal. Preparing for the worst was harrowing. But then, against all odds, I got the best news possible. Relief doesn't come close to describing the feeling I had.

These thoughts about our loved ones dying aren't pleasant but necessary. Some might think family and friends will help if it happens, and maybe they will. But I believe it's about being mentally and emotionally prepared.

I'll grieve a lot, I'm sure, but having that preparation helps, even if it doesn't happen for another 50 years. It also reminds me to appreciate him every day.