Grieve As You Go

Recently, I was at an event where people were singing songs I remembered singing in a choir in school. Hearing those songs made me cry. My little lion asked, ‘Are you sad? Why are you crying?’

I wasn't sad. I didn’t even know why I was crying. It was just this overwhelming emotion. I wasn't sad or happy, and it wasn't even about missing the past. It was just a really strong feeling that burst straight into tears in less than 1 second.

Since I’m getting more into AI, I asked it to explain why we cry when we hear an old song. It gave an interesting suggestion: crying from an old memory is like a form of grief. When a memory resurfaces, you realize it’s in the past and will never happen again. It’s a sense of loss, like acknowledging that this specific time won’t come again.

That kind of made sense—nostalgia coupled with a feeling of loss.

Two weeks later, my son watched a documentary about penguins. It followed their journey from eggs until their first time in the sea. He told me he cried when the juvenile penguins went into the sea. He wasn’t sure why he was crying, it just happened. Of course, the documentary’s music and narration helped to conjure those emotions.

He showed me the scene, then asked if I cried when the penguins left for the sea. I didn’t cry, instead I said, ‘I didn’t cry when the penguins grow up and leave, but I will when you do.’ and carried on with my dish washing. As I was doing the washing up, I started crying, imagining him leaving for university or traveling. I was overwhelmed with tears, a future grief where I will no longer know my son as a child, only an adult.

After calming myself down quickly before setting the household on alarm, I thought about the idea "Grieve As You Go". Why not? You have "Pay As You Go" and "Clean As You Go" concepts and the idea behind it is similar: slow, consistent actions instead of storing for future.

I think grieving as you go is essential to stay present and be grateful for the present moment. Now I understand what Marcus Aurelius means when he said about thinking of death every day. I think you don't need to go all the way down permanent loss if its too much, you can just think about "what happens when they move out" as a starter.