Stress when visiting parents worth it?

You know, I often hear my parents say, "Oh, why don't you bring your son more often to our house?" I'm thinking, there's a reason for that but I can't say it out loud. At least half the time when I see them, I don't bring my child. Partly it's because he doesn't want to go, and the other half is because I choose not to bring him.

Sometimes I just want a break, a different environment. It's not really a different environment if your child is also there because you have to manage your child and your parents at the same time. Parents often say things like, "Oh, don't worry, I'll help you, I'll look after him." If you have a family that genuinely looks after your child, trusts your child, and does parenting the same way you do, you are lucky.

Of course, nobody has everything, so I'm lucky in many other ways. But when it comes to help from grandparents, it's not really there. And that's fine because whenever I need childcare services, I just have to pay for babysitting.

I swear there is a built in mechanism in humans to forget about child rearing, its almost like most of the stuff you learnt in school you forget because you don't need it anymore after the exams are done. There are some things my parents do that I think "you're acting so awkward like you never raised a child before".

Sometimes they panic over small things like I would suddenly hear, "Hey, don't do this! Hey, be careful!" 10 minutes later: "Darling, come have a look at your child here!"

This is more stressful than it's worth. If I have to constantly monitor my child at my parents' house, then it's not going to be relaxing for me. I'd rather not come as often, or when I do, I don't come with my child all the time. Some people think that's not nice, you're denying them access, you just have to put up with it. Honestly, I think that statement is cope.

It is a very difficult decision to make, distancing yourself from family. Very difficult. I wrestled with it for years, feeling like I'm a sinful child for deliberately distancing myself, like I don't care about my parents.

I read wise guys say things like, "Just forgive your parents, they won't be here for long, one day you'll regret it."

Maybe.

Right now, I feel like I've made peace with my relationship with both my parents in terms of how much of a relationship I have with them. But yeah, that was a struggle for years, finding that balance. Especially when the parents keep asking, "When are you going to come? Oh, I haven't seen you for a while."

I just wish I could say, "We saw each other two months ago. Sorry, mom, two months is not that long. I remember when I was a child, you didn't see your mom every two months. So why the double standards?".

What actually happens: just bite my tongue, smile, and change the subject.